Anger Management – Tips #3 & #4

Anger Management Tips

Anger management tip 3: Learn ways to cool down

Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control.  There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.

Quick tips for cooling down

  • Focus on the physical sensations of anger.  While it may seem counterintuitive, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often lessens the emotional intensity of your anger.
  • Take some deep breaths.  Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension.  The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.
  • Exercise.  A brisk walk around the block is a great idea.  It releases pent-up energy so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.
  • Use your senses.  Take advantage of the relaxing power of your sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste.  You might try listening to music or picturing yourself in a favorite place.
  • Stretch or massage areas of tension.  Roll your shoulders if you are tensing them, for example, or gently massage your neck and scalp.
  • Slowly count to ten.  Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings.  If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.

Give yourself a reality check

When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation.  Ask yourself:

  • How important is it in the grand scheme of things?
  • Is it really worth getting angry about it?
  • Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?
  • Is my response appropriate to the situation?
  • Is there anything I can do about it?
  • Is taking action worth my time?

Anger management tip 4: Find healthier ways to express your anger

If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way.  When communicated respectfully and channeled effectively, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change.

Pinpoint what you’re really angry about

Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly?  Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late.  But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself “What am I really angry about?”  Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.

Take five if things get too heated

If your anger seems to be spiraling out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.  A brisk walk, a trip to the gym, or a few minutes listening to some music should allow you to calm down, release pent-up emotion, and then approach the situation with a cooler head.

Always fight fair

It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down.  Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.

  •  Make the relationship your priority.  Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority.  Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
  •  Focus on the present.  Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix.  Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
  •  Choose your battles.  Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy.  If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset.
  •  Be willing to forgive.  Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive.  Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
  •  Know when to let something go.  If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree.  It takes two people to keep an argument going.  If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

Source: helpguide.org

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