Category Archives: Effective Communication

A Strong Successful Family

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Good caring parents teach by example, always remembering that genuine praise, guidance, and understanding are the mark of a good parent.

Building & Maintaining A Good Family

Building a Good Family

There are basic qualities and values needed to have and maintain a good family.   These qualities and values are:

  • Love
  • Honor, always truth and loyalty
  • Mutual Respect
  • Kindness
  • Communication
  • Consideration
  • Duty
  • Responsibility

The Future of this world

Children are the future of this world.  As a good parent it is your responsibility to teach your children from birth, the above qualities and values, as these are handed down from generation-to-generation, and prepares them to be good family members, good friends, good neighbors, good employees, good leaders, and good citizens.

Good caring parents teach by example, always remembering that genuine praise, guidance, and understanding are the mark of a good parent.  As your child grows, regular family quality time strengthens trust and mutual respect, forging a stronger family bond, where communication grows easier, and good memories are more easily made.

Maintaining A Good Family

The five “L’s” of a good, strong, family:

  1. Love is at the heart of the family.  All humans have the need to love and to be loved; the family is normally the place where love is expressed.  Love is the close personal blending of physical and mental togetherness.  It includes privacy, intimacy, sharing, belonging, and caring.  The atmosphere of real love is one of honesty, understanding, patience, and forgiveness.  Such love does not happen automatically; it requires constant daily effort by each family member.  Loving families share activities and express a great deal of gratitude for one another. Love takes time, affection, and a positive attitude.
  2. Learning – Families are where we learn values, skills, and behavior.  Strong families manage and control their learning experiences.  They establish a pattern of home life.  They select appropriate television programs.  They guide their children into the world outside the home.  They do not let social forces rule their family life.  They involve themselves in neighborhood, school, government, church, and business in ways that support their family values.  Strong families teach by example and learn through experience as they explain and execute their values.
  3. Loyalty – Strong families have a sense of loyalty and devotion toward family members.  The family sticks together.  They stand by each other during times of trouble.  They stand up for each other when attacked by someone outside the family.  Loyalty builds through sickness and health, want and good fortune, failure and success, and all the things the family faces.  The family is a place of shelter for individual family members.  In times of personal success or defeat, the family becomes a cheering section or a mourning bench.  They also learn a sense of give and take in the family, which helps prepare them for the necessary negotiations in other relationships.
  4. Laughter is good family medicine.  Humor is an escape valve for family tension. Through laughter we learn to see ourselves honestly and objectively.  Building a strong family is serious business, but if taken too seriously, family life can become very tense.  Laughter balances our efforts and gives us a realistic view of things.  To be helpful, family laughter must be positive in nature.  Laughing together builds up a family.  Laughing at each other divides a family.  Families that learn to use laughter in a positive way can release tensions, gain a clearer view, and bond relationships.
  5. Leadership is essential.  Family members, usually the adults, must assume responsibility for leading the family.  If no one accepts this vital role, the family will weaken.  Each family needs its own special set of rules and guidelines.  These rules are based on the family members’ greatest understanding of one another. The guidelines pass along from the adults to the children by example, with firmness and fairness.  Strong families can work together to establish their way of life, allowing children to have a voice in decision making and enforcing rules. However, in the initial stages and in times of crisis, adult family members must get the family to work together.

Your Child Needs You – Pt 6

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Your Child Needs YOU, BEFORE It Is Too Late.

2016 STD Surveillance Report: STDs Tighten Grip on Nation’s Health

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
Department of Health & Human Services

This year’s Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance Report, 2016, released last week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), marks the third year of overall increasing rates for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis.

While STDs can impact anyone, the new report underscores how disparities are deepening for the hardest-hit and most vulnerable groups:

  • Youth aged 15-24 continue to make up most reported chlamydia and gonorrhea infections, and are now experiencing syphilis increases.
  • Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (MSM) continue to face the highest rates of syphilis and HIV co-infection.  Data from the STD Surveillance Network (SSuN) also suggest gonorrhea rates have increased among MSM for five years.
  • Pregnant women are experiencing some of the harshest outcomes from untreated STDs with the continued surge of congenital syphilis (CS) – where cases rise to numbers unseen since 1998.

The good news is that we can interrupt the steady climb in STD rates.  Doing so means that we must fully commit to doing what works AND to better understanding the changing face of the epidemic, as well as the real-world challenges that can stand in the way of preventing STDs.

Bringing the growing STD burden to a halt requires action by many. For example:

  • Here at CDC, we’ll continue monitoring national STD trends and for antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea; providing the most up-to-date screening, treatment, and other prevention services guidance; and funding health departments to help support their work to prevent STDs.
  • Health departments can continue to monitor and analyze their local STD burden; identify and link people with STDs and their partners to treatment and care; and disseminate up-to-date disease trends and clinical preventative resources to healthcare providers.
  • Providers can take routine sexual histories, as well as test, rapidly diagnose, and treat patients and partners as CDC recommends.

Together, we can make a difference, but it will take all of us – CDC, health departments, healthcare providers, community organizations, and individuals.

Louisiana is working to be that difference.  Their health officials are confronting, head on, some of the highest STD rates in the country.

By tackling their burden on multiple fronts, Louisiana is gaining ground in spite of an uphill battle.  For example, with syphilis, they’ve increased testing and reduced time to treatment in public health clinics.

In 2016, the number of CS cases decreased for the first time in five years.  With expanded extragenital gonorrhea and chlamydia testing, they also diagnosed 165 cases that would have otherwise been missed.

These budding achievements are a strong reminder to us all that good prevention remains in reach.  Reversing our growing STD burden will take a lot of work, and it won’t happen overnight, but it is worth it.

At the end of the day, STD prevention is about more than stopping a single disease, it’s about safeguarding our quality of life.  I know it. You know it.  Let’s make sure that other people know it, too.

Here are some resources especially for you, as well as prevention materials you can share in your community:

CDC’s 2016 STD Surveillance Report website to find the report any related resources

A NEW infographic that you can adapt and use in your state

Sample Social media and social media ready graphics

Learn how to add CDC pages to your website

Fact Sheets about STDs

Posters, stickers, and other free STD prevention campaign materials

CDC’s STD website

Join the online conversation using #STDreport, and spread the word by retweeting @CDCSTD and sharing posts from the CDC STD Facebook page!

Sincerely,

Gail Bolan, M.D. Director, Division of STD Prevention National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Child Safety & Prevention Series #5

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Important things to consider before allowing your child to stay home without you.

Staying Home Alone

With everything parents have to juggle these days, the time may come when families have to leave a child home alone.

There are a number of important things to consider before allowing your child to stay home without you.

You should…

  • Assess your child.  Make sure he or she is mature enough to handle this responsibility.  Ask your child how he or she feels about being alone.
  • Define rules and expectations to help ensure your child maintains a daily routine while home alone.
  • Keep a list of numbers close to the telephone including those for you, other trusted adults, 911 and other emergency services.
  • Create practice situations and be sure your child understands what to do in specific emergencies such as a fire or loss of electricity.

Make sure your child knows…

  • His or her full name, address and telephone number along with your full name and how to reach you.
  • He or she should never open the door for someone unless that person is on a preapproved list of trusted adults you have provided.

Also make sure your child knows how to…

  • Contact 911 in case of an emergency.
  • Carry his or her key so it is hidden and secure.
  • Lock the door after entering and make sure the home is secure.
  • Tell callers you’re unavailable instead of saying he or she is home alone.
  • Check with you immediately upon returning home to let you know he or she has safely arrived.

For more information about child safety, visit MissingKids.com

NOTE:  This is not the property of NOT IN MY WORLD!!!!, we are a self-supporting information center for parents, families, and the public, to help all children, who are the future of our world; by raising awareness to Child Abuse, and it’s lifelong detrimental effects.

We want to say THANK YOU to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and the U.S. Department of Justice for allowing us the use of so many resources to properly educate our staff, and also to pass along this valuable information and resources to parents, families, and the public.

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®
http://www.missingkids.com
1-800-THE-LOST® (1-800-843-5678)

Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website
THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
NSOPW
https://www.nsopw.gov

Talking To Your Child – Part 3 Of 3

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Love, Trust, Mutual Respect, and Quality Time make communication with your Child natural and easier.

Information For Parents And Guardians
Of Children

Sexual abuse is a difficult topic to discuss with others, especially children.  Conventional wisdom about what to say to children has changed in recent years and may be counterintuitive.

This section contains the latest information about the preventative discussions to have with your young children and teenagers, as well as what to do if you suspect he or she has been sexually abused.

Talking to Your Child if You Suspect That He or She Is Being Sexually Abused

Parents are surrounded by messages about child sexual abuse.  Talk shows and TV news warn parents about dangers on the Internet, at school, and at home.  However, parents do not get much advice on how to talk to their children if they are concerned that sexual abuse is occurring.

Talk to your child directly.

Pick your time and place carefully!

  • Have this conversation somewhere that your child feels comfortable.
  • DO NOT ask your child about child abuse in front of the person you think may be abusing the child!

Ask if anyone has been touching your child in ways that do not feel okay or that make him or her feel uncomfortable.

Know that sexual abuse can feel good to the victim, so asking your child if someone is hurting him or her may not get the information that you are looking for.

Follow up on whatever made you concerned.  If there was something your child said or did that made you concerned, ask about that.

Ask in a nonjudgmental way, and take care to avoid shaming your child as you ask questions.

  • “I” questions can be very helpful.  Rather than beginning your conversation by saying, “You (the child) did something/said something that made me worry…,” consider starting your inquiry with the word “I.”  For example: “I am concerned because I heard you say that you are not allowed to close the bathroom door.”
  • Make sure that your child knows that he or she is not in trouble, and that you are simply trying to gather more information.

Talk with your child about secrets.

  • Sometimes abusers will tell children that sexual abuse is a secret just between them.  They may ask the child to promise to keep it secret.
  • When you talk to your child, talk about times that it is okay not to keep a secret, even if he or she made a promise.

Build a trusting relationship with your child.

Let your child know that it is okay to come to you if someone is making him or her uncomfortable.

  • Be sure to follow up on any promises you make—if you tell your child that he or she can talk to you, be sure to make time for him or her when he or she does come to you!

All children should know that it’s okay to say “no” to touches that make them uncomfortable or if someone is touching them in ways that make them uncomfortable and that they should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible.

  • Let your child know that you will not get angry at him or her if he or she tells someone “no.”  Children are often afraid that they will get into trouble if they tell someone not to touch them.

Teach your child that some parts of his or her body are private.

  • Tell your child that if someone tries to touch those private areas or wants to look at them OR if someone tries to show the child his or her own private parts, your child should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible.
  • Let your child know that he or she will not be in trouble if he or she tells you about inappropriate touching.
  • Make sure to follow through on this if your child does tell you about inappropriate touching!  Try not to react with anger towards the child.

If you have reason to be concerned about sexual abuse, there may be other signs of sexual abuse as well.  This Website provides a list of warning sign for parents.  Additionally, RAINN’s Web site provides a comprehensive list of signs that indicate child sexual abuse.  As you talk to your child about sexual abuse, remember to focus on creating a safe place for your child.  Even if he or she does not tell you about sexual abuse at the time of the conversation, you are laying a foundation for future conversations.

Resources:

The U. S. Department of Justice
The Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW)
https://www.nsopw.gov

Talking To Your Child – Part 2 Of 3

.jpg photo of communication between Parent and Child
Love, Trust, Mutual Respect, and Quality Time make communication with your Child natural and easier.

Information For Parents And Guardians
Of Children

Sexual abuse is a difficult topic to discuss with others, especially children.  Conventional wisdom about what to say to children has changed in recent years and may be counterintuitive.

This section contains the latest information about the preventative discussions to have with your young children and teenagers, as well as what to do if you suspect he or she has been sexually abused.

Discussing Sexual Abuse With Teens

The discussion about sexuality and sexual abuse should start way before a child begins puberty.  The following tips are provided with the understanding that preventative discussions have occurred with your child years earlier.  If you have not discussed sexual abuse with your child, start today.

When it comes to sexual abuse, protecting teens is complicated. Teenagers seek relationships outside the family for friendship, security, and even advice.  In addition, they may be confused or embarrassed about their own developing sexuality, which makes communication difficult and protecting them nearly impossible.

Be realistic and educate yourself.

Know that most abusers are known by the victim.

Realize teens are learning about sex.  Often their sources may not be the best places to get the facts on sex.  Sources include their friends, pornography, or firsthand experiences.

Learn more so you can help and inform your child.

  • If your teen comes to you with a question and you respond by giving him or her a pamphlet of information, he or she may think you are not open to further conversation.
  • Educational pamphlets can be helpful, many times for you as a parent.  Creating open communication is a better way for teens to learn about sexuality and sexual abuse.

Do not put off discussions.

Before communication lines shut down or something happens, talk to your child.

Open the lines of communication and talk to your child about his or her personal rights and personal boundaries in an age-appropriate manner.

Help teens define their personal rights.

Believe it or not, many teens who get caught up in an inappropriate relationship with an adult (or even someone their own age who is an abuser) blame themselves.  They do not know what their personal rights are or what kind of behavior to expect from adults.  Teach your children that it is okay to say no and that they do not have to do anything they do not want to do.  Often, kids think they are supposed to respect their elders and be nice, so they go along with things that make them uncomfortable because they feel obligated.

Teens should understand that:

  • Their bodies are theirs.
  • Past permission does not obligate them to future activity.
  • They do not have to do anything they do not want to do.
  • They should trust their instincts.
  • It is not okay for them to engage in sexual behavior with adults.
  • It is not okay for adults to take pictures or videos of them in sexual positions or unclothed.
  • Regardless of how they dress or talk, it does not constitute permission.
  • Pornography is not an accurate depiction of real life.
  • They deserve to be spoken to with respect and never feel coerced.
  • Alcohol and drugs may make it hard for them to maintain their boundaries and can cloud their judgment.
  • Touching someone sexually while they are drunk is abuse.
  • Adults should not discuss their sexual fantasies or share pornography with minors.
  • No one has the right to touch them without their permission.

If they are in a relationship, they should also understand that:

  • Both parties respect each other’s personal rights and boundaries in a healthy relationship.
  • They should decline sexual relations with anyone who refuses to use proper protection.
  • Not everyone is having sex.  Many teens wait and that is perfectly okay.

Help them build up their self-esteem.

Often, low self-esteem is a pivotal factor in risky teen behavior. Teens who do not feel good about themselves or who are at odds with their family may turn to other adults for support.  This type of behavior is extremely dangerous; this is exactly what abusers are looking for.  They approach teens and take advantage of their low self-esteem, give gifts like liquor or drugs, further isolate them from the family, and attempt to become their ”friend.”  In addition, teens that do not have money are also often a target and may be bribed with gifts or money.

  • Encourage your teen to get involved in a hobby, sport, work, or art.
  • Teach your teen how to earn money legitimately without having to give up his or her pride or self-worth.
  • Teach your teen how to take care of himself or herself.
  • Empower your teen to be in control of his or her own life rather than feeling like a victim.
  • Give your teen responsibility.
  • Communicate how much you value his or her independence, accomplishments, and ability to be responsible, while letting him or her know you are supportive and available.

Need help?  Get help.

  • Know that it is never too late to seek help.
  • Talk to school administrators, counselors, teachers, and community outreach program representatives for assistance.
  • Affirm to yourself that abuse is something that needs to be stopped, not ignored.
  • Report abuse as soon as possible.  Silence protects the abuser and shows the child that abuse is acceptable and may convey that it is his or her fault.
  • Do not blame the child for the abuse.
  • Seek counseling for abused children to help alleviate confusion, anger, and possible self-esteem issues.
  • Seek counseling for you to learn how to get through the hurt and anger, and find ways to help your child and family connections heal.

Resources:

The U. S. Department of Justice
The Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW)
https://www.nsopw.gov