Category Archives: Ouality Time

CA Woman Kidnapped, Trafficked With Child In TX

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Devanshu Gupta, 26

Irving Police Arrest Pair For Alleged
Human Trafficking

IRVING, TX  –  The Irving Police Department is investigating a case of human trafficking that happened during the past few months.  On Sunday, April 15, 2018, officers responded to a call where a victim reported escaping from a prostitution enterprise.

.jpg photo of woman arrested for alleged human trafficking
America Anderson, 20

The victim, a young adult female, was kidnapped from California and brought to a home in the 200 block of Rolston Road against her will.  While there, she was forced into prostitution by two suspects, America Anderson, 20, and Devanshu Gupta, 26.

They would advertise the services on a variety of websites, then take the victim to various local motels to meet with customers.  Also at the home was a second victim, a juvenile female, who was also being held against her will and forced to participate in prostitution.

The responding officers and detectives quickly identified the suspects and took them into custody after seeing them leave the home with the juvenile victim.  Both are currently being held in the Irving City Jail on charges of Trafficking of Persons, Trafficking of Child, Compelling Prostitution ($100,000 bond each charge) and Aggravated Promotion of Prostitution ($50,000 bond).

Advocate Says KY Always At Top In Child Abuse Rate

.jpg photo of Child Abuse Awareness Month in Kentucky
Child Abuse awareness event in Kentucky.

Report: Kentucky Child Abuse rate second
highest in the nation

Kentucky’s 2016 child abuse rate — more than double the national average — was the second highest rate in the nation.

Almost 20 of every 1,000 children in the state were abused, according to the “Child Maltreatment 2016” report released recently by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services’ Children’s Bureau.

The reported didn’t come as a surprise to Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) of Madison County executive director Victoria Benge, who said Kentucky always is at the top of the nation in child abuse rates.

Benge said child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level.  In most cases, it isn’t one single circumstance that leads to abuse, she said.

Typically, it’s a combination of factors that cause high stress levels in the family, which could include a lack of education, money troubles, or a variety of other stressors.  Drug abuse is a big determinant.

Family court judge for Madison and Clark counties Nora J. Shepherd said drugs are involved in almost every case she handles in family court.

The drug epidemic has drastically increased the case load in family court, Shepherd said.

Continual budget cuts have also put a strain on the system in place to protect children, she added.

Lack of support for social workers has resulted in lots of turnover and, now, state workers including child protection workers are looking at drastic changes to their pensions, leading some to leave.

Funding for Comprehensive Care, which provides counseling services, has been in decline for years, Shepherd said.  People who need mental health services can’t get help.

“It’s probably underpinning our substance abuse issue,” Shepherd said.

When it comes to finding abuse and stopping it, everyone can play a role, Benge said.

In fact, anyone in Kentucky who suspects a child is being abused is required to report it by law.

In cases where people are suspicious but aren’t sure, they should make the call, she said.

“I think you can never be too cautious,” she said.  “You’re better to be safe than sorry.”

Shepherd agreed.

“If you see something, you have to call,” she said.  “You could be part of saving a child’s life.”

Learning the TEN-4 bruising rule can help people identify possible abuse, according to a press release from Norton’s Children’s Hospital.  The rule says that children under 4 should not have bruising on their torso, ears or neck.

It’s also important for people to help stressed parents, maybe by offering to babysit for a while or offering to run an errand, the hospital release states. People can help prevent abuse also by simply de-stressing a situation with a statement such as “I remember when my child acted like that.”

Madison County has a number of organizations working on behalf of children, Benge said.

CASA uses community trained volunteers to advocate on behalf of abused and neglected children within the family court system.  The organization’s main goal, Benge said, is to break the cycle of abuse.

Too often, children in the court system have people coming in and out of their lives.

“It’s so important for these children to have a person who stays with them,” Benge said.

Another Madison County organization that is instrumental in the fight against child abuse and neglect is the Cabinet for Health and Family Services (CHFS).

“They do fantastic work,” Benge said.

The social workers with CHFS investigate claims of abuse and neglect, and make referrals on the best course of action for the affected children.

The county attorney’s office prosecutes those accused of abuse or neglect, Shepherd said.  Madison County assistant county attorney Jubal Miller has worked on family court cases for more than 20 years.  Deputy circuit clerk Debbie Agee also has worked in the court for decades.

The HANDS program through the Madison County Health Department is another resource for families of young children. HANDS is a home visitation program that assists during their child’s first two years of life.  A public health nurse and public health home visitors visit the home to introduce parenting skill development in areas such as recognizing babies’ needs and making the home safe.

Benge urges parents who feel overwhelmed to speak up.

“Just ask for help,” she said.  “The state is very willing to help.”

According to Norton Children’s Hospital, parents on edge should realize it’s OK to step away for a moment and take a few deep breaths, or listen to a favorite song or call a friend.  It’s important to keep a list of friends or family members to call for support.

Kentucky ranked far better in the report in the number of children (15) who died as a result of abuse in 2016; the state ranked 29th in the country.  There were 1,750 deaths nationwide, according to the report.

The state saw a total of 102,990 referrals to child protective services in 2016, according to the report.  About half (50.4 percent) resulted in reports.

In 2017, 509 children in Madison County were abused or neglected, according to CASA.  A pinwheel for each was planted Friday outside the Madison County Courthouse as part of the annual child abuse awareness event put on by CASA and the Department for Community Based Services.  The event is held each year in April, Child Abuse Awareness Month.

To report suspected child abuse in Kentucky, call 877-KY-SAFE1 (877-597-2331).  Reporting can also be done online at https://prdweb.chfs.ky.gov/ReportAbuse/OutofHours.aspx. The national abuse hotline can be reached at 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453).

For more information on the HANDS program, call 859-626-4257.

Child Maltreatment 2016 is the 27th edition of the annual Child Maltreatment report series.  States provide the data for the report through the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS).

Room Below The Basement – Dedicated To Frank

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The LIEBSTER Award

The Blues, A Blessing, and The Liebster Award

I had enough, I’m done, and I turned and walked away.

“What the.. ?  Oh this is real good”, as I looked at the dark hallway, “now they’re sure going to think you’ve lost it.”

“Hee-hee”

“Now I know I didn’t imagine that”, as my eyes searched the hallway, I realized there was a big, heavy door, that was locked and chained only a few feet from me on my right.  I moved as quietly as possible and leaned closer to the door…  something touched me on the right shoulder and as I jerked around, a hand was reaching for my throat!

My eyes bugged out of my head like binoculars and my jaw hurt from  trying to scream;  all the while water was flying all over the bathroom as I was attempting to back-paddle away from the cut-off hand.

Just as I saw the broomstick holding the glove up, I heard Frank’s laughter.

I was sitting straight-up in bed, looking around and wanting to cry, but I couldn’t help but bust out laughing, and shaking my head, “That Frank is in for it when I see him.”

When we were young boys, we never missed an opportunity to scare or surprise the other, or even our friends.  We never missed “Thriller”, “The Twilight Zone”, or any of the long list of scary movies, and the above good memory was after we watched “The Hand”, and Frank caught me in the bathtub.

Needless to say, Frank got my attention and reminded me that I still had an unfinished job to do:  To make this world a better place for all the Children!

So with that said, I dedicate this to Frank.

The Liebster Award

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award AND YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, write a blog post about the Liebster award in which the Rules are simple as follows:

  1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you.
  2. Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.
  3. Nominate 11 other bloggers.
  4. Ask them 11 questions.
  5. Let them know you have nominated them.

Acknowledge the blog who nominated you.

What if We all Cared?

Answer the 11 questions your nominator asked.

1.  Where were you born?

Sweetwater, Texas

2.  What has been your favorite pet and why?

Dog, because they are so loyal and great companions.

3.  Do you work . . if so, where (being a full-time mommy counts as work btw)?

I am retired, although I work very close to full time or even more at times as a Child Advocate, supporting Veterans, and senior citizens.

4.  If you could go exploring anywhere where would that be?

The Great Barrier Reef

5.  Your biggest regret?

Lynn Klinkscales

6.  How many siblings do you have?  What are your thoughts on that number?

Two, and it is as good a number as any, I had an Uncle and Aunt that had 15 Children.

7.  What decade do you really belong in?

Right where I am at.  I started out with The Killer-Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash, Elvis, Buddy Holley, Otis Redding, B.B. King, lived through The Beatles, lived with The Rolling Stones(Since they still make music), Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Ozzy, Ritchie Blackmore, Charlie Daniels, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Social Distortion, Bon Jovi, Rammstein, Slipknot, Brooks and Dunn, Toby Keith, George Strait, Garth Brooks, Dwight Yoakum, Volbeat, etc..

8.  Would you rather live in the Arctic or Antarctic Circle?

If I had to, I would pick the warmer climate, and the one with land to walk on so I could get back to Texas, so The Arctic.

9.  What is your favorite artistic medium?

Tools, Paint, original parts, and custom parts to build War Horses(Ford Mustangs) and HOGs(Harley-Davidsons).  But also woodworking tools, and good wood.

10.  Camping or hotels?

Both, I’m a farm boy and love the out-of-doors, but I also love being around people and the big city at times also.

11.  Favorite school subject?

History

Nominate 11 other bloggers.

https://madisonelizabethbaylis.wordpress.com/

https://itsgoodtobecrazysometimes.wordpress.com/

https://koolkosherkitchen.wordpress.com/

https://thebrokenchainblog.com/

https://motherofangelsweb.wordpress.com/

https://happyparents126061427.wordpress.com/

https://speakingtruthinlove.wordpress.com/

https://pintowski.wordpress.com/

https://thelittlemermaid09.wordpress.com/

https://wisewoman2016.wordpress.com/

https://missfostermama.com/

Ask them 11 questions.

1. How many languages can you communicate in writing?

2. Favorite place to visit.

3. How many pets do you have?

4. Who is your hero?

5. Olympics or Professional Sports

6. Name 5 forms of communication.

7. How often do you read a real, printed, hard-bound book.

8. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone and mailed it?

9. What are 33, 45, 78, referring to?

10. How many times have you been in love?

11. What was your greatest victory?

Let them know you have nominated them.

Raise A Well Behaved Child

.jpg photo of a good family with family values
Raising a well-behaved Child – and not a brat.

Top 10 Parenting Pitfalls

Experts offer advice that will help you raise a well-behaved child – instead of a brat.
By Dulce Zamora

Parenting is no walk in the park, especially on the days when your little angel, whether he’s 6 or 16, decides to act like a demon.

If it’s the temper tantrum in the toy store over the latest video game, or the daily fight over math homework, or the food fight in a restaurant on Friday night, parents have a choice:  To react in a way that will only make matters worse when the bell rings for round two, or respond like the calm, cool, and collected parents we see on TV shows like Nanny 911  –  after weeks of live-in, televised therapy.

What is the secret to their success, other than public humiliation?

“Overall, with any scenario, the worst thing a parent can do that helps bratty behavior blossom is to not set clear expectations and not have consequences to a child’s behavior,” says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills who specializes in family therapy.

The TV Toy

It’s Saturday morning, you’re doing laundry, the kids are watching their morning cartoons, and it happens:  Your middle child sees the toy of his dreams on TV, starts in with the begging, and doesn’t let up.

Brat-building response:  “A lot of kids see things on TV  –  games, food, or dolls –  and then they start nagging until they get it,” says Berman.  “If you run to the store to buy your child exactly what they want, then you’ve taught them that nagging is an effective tool for getting their way.”

Angel-building response:  “You can say, ‘It’s a cool toy.  Let me find out how much it is, and I can help you save your allowance for it,'” says Berman.  “You are teaching your child to work toward a goal  –  instead of giving in.  It helps the child learn about goals, saving money, and it’s a good response for both parent and child.”

The Bribes

You’re having your boss over for dinner on Friday night, and while you begged your sister to watch the kids for the evening, no such luck.  Is it time to start bribing them to be quiet with expensive sneakers or the latest handbag from Dolce & Gabbana?

Brat-building response:  “Parents often try to buy good behavior by getting their kids expensive gifts,” says Berman.  “And then they say, ‘I don’t understand why she isn’t better behaved?  I get her everything she wants!'” These cool gifts lose their meaning and the child feels entitled and less well behaved.”

Angel-building response:  “Allow the child the opportunity to earn what you give them, and set limits around their expectations,” says Berman.  “Tell them, ‘You can get one pair of shoes within this amount of money.’  Teach them early on how to make choices.”

The Sleepover

Her bags are packed and she’s ready to go to the sleepover, except for one thing:  She forgot to ask for your permission.

Brat-building behavior:  Even though she’s screaming bloody murder, if you let her get away with it once, she’ll do it again, and again and again.  “You’ve taught your child that screaming long enough will get her what she wants, and now you’ve created your own private hell,” Berman tells WebMD.

Angel-building behavior:  “As a parent, it is always considerate and helpful to let a child know your thinking, so your child knows why you don’t want her to go to the sleepover, so it doesn’t seem like you are being unreasonable,” says Berman.  “But if you shared your reasoning, and she keeps yelling, you have to stand your ground.”

The Divide and Conquer

You’ve been very clear and given your son a decisive NO when he asked, “Can I go to the birthday party, puh-lease?”  His tactic?  To ask dad.

Brat-building behavior:  “When a child gets ‘no’ from mom, and ‘yes’ from dad, it teaches them they can divide and conquer,” says Berman.  “They learn that they can divide their parents and fool them, and if they are manipulative enough, they can get what they want.”

Angel-building behavior:  “Enforce in advance,” says Berman.  “Tell a child that if you ask mom and get ‘no,’ and then you ask dad and get ‘yes,’ the ‘no’ still stands, and your punishment for asking us both is xyz.”

The Screaming in the Store

We’ve all seen it:  The screaming child in the toy store.  He wants the latest video game, and he’s not shutting up until he has it.

Brat-building response:  “If you give in, you teach your child that when he acts like a brat he can get what he wants,” says Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing:  Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age.  “You’re reinforcing his bratty behavior.”

Angel-building response:  “There are two ways to approach it,” says Kindlon, who teaches child psychology at Harvard University.

First, plan ahead, and second, plan a response.

“Make a deal with them beforehand  –  you are going to buy them something and it’s only going to cost $5,” says Kindlon.  “Or tell them, ‘I’m going shopping for your cousin and this is not for you.’  Give them structure beforehand so they’re not caught off guard.  Then, if they still explode in the store, ignore them, say you are not going to listen anymore.  Then you leave the store and take them with you.”

The Car Ride

You have 300 miles in front of you when your youngest explodes in a temper tantrum that rivals the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.

Brat-building response:  “If you just start yelling and screaming at her, it’s not going to help,” Kindlon tells WebMD.  “And a major mistake most parents make is to give the child an ultimatum, like ‘If you keep this up you’re not going to watch TV when you get home.'”

But even though their tantrum continues ad nauseam, the TV goes on when the family gets home because the parent is beaten down.

“This teaches a child that the best way to get what they want is to behave like a brat,” says Kindlon.

Angel-building response:  “Plan ahead,” says Kindlon “Bring snacks, games, and things to keep them entertained in the car.  If that doesn’t work, help them understand the consequences of their behavior.  Again, with the ultimatum, if you use one, stick to it:  ‘If you don’t stop behaving this way, you don’t get to watch TV when you get home.'”

The Lack of Respect

Your kid just called you a name, or talked back, or showed you some all-around lack of what Aretha Franklin likes to call R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Brat-building response:  “If you sink to their level and use the same language back at them, you’re modeling bad behavior,” says Kindlon.  “You’re teaching them the wrong way to deal with something and someone when you’re upset.”

Angel-building response:  “Dock a kid fifty cents on their allowance when they use a tone of voice or an inappropriate word you don’t like,” says Kindlon. “Maintain your cool.  Show mature behavior, and give them consequences for their bad behavior.”

The Restaurant

You just sat down to dinner with your husband and three kids at a local restaurant when the outbursts start.

Brat-building behavior:  “What happens is there is talk of punishment and threats at the restaurant, like ‘I’m going to take way your play date on Sunday,’ or ‘No TV for a week,'” says Paul Donahue, PhD, director of Child Development Associates in Scarsdale, N.Y.  “Punishments don’t work as well as a rewards, or the threats are idle because the kid knows that the parent won’t take away their TV.”

Angel-building response:  “Before you get to the restaurant, tell your child what you expect in terms of behavior,” says Donahue.  “If your behavior is good, here is what privilege will come your way, whether its dessert at the restaurant, or that they get to watch a movie when they get home.”

Kids need to understand that their privileges are based on their behavior, explains Donahue.

While I’m not suggesting you bribe your kids or take them to Toys ‘R’ Us because they sit at the dinner table, they need to understand that the things they enjoy are privileges and they can have those things if they behave well,” says Donahue.  “Kids have to have an understanding that good behavior is expected, and if they behave well, good things will come their way.”

The Morning Routine

It’s hard enough for you to get out of bed at 6 a.m., let alone get your two kids out of bed. Should you let them sleep late, just this once?

Brat-building response:  “Sometimes kids come downstairs in the morning, they watch TV, they get around to eating their breakfast, they get dressed, the process gets delayed, mom or dad gets frustrated and angry, and maybe they make the bus, maybe the don’t,” says Donahue.  Better yet, the whole routine starts over again the next day.

Angel-building response:  “Kids shouldn’t come down and watch TV or play a video game first thing in the morning,” says Donahue.  “It’s like saying you get to have this fun experience before you get dressed, brush your teeth, or do your work.  You have to take care of your responsibilities first.”

The Homework

As your child gets older and wiser, his pile of homework grows  –  as does the frustration you feel in making sure he gets it all done.

Brat-building response:  “We want our kids to do well in school, and yet we are not clear that homework takes precedent over a play date or after-school activities,” says Donahue.  “So then the homework gets left until after dinner, and then it’s diminishing returns:  they’re tired, and it’s getting much more difficult to get them to do it, and they don’t have incentive to get it done.”

Angel-building response:  “There needs to be a reasonable structure for homework,” says Donahue.  “Say to your kids, ‘At 3 p.m. you get to play, but at 4 p.m., you sit down and do your homework.’  It’s especially important in most families that homework get done before dinner.  Set the structure in place so when they are older and they have more activities, they know they still need to get homework done before dinner.”

Parenting Tips

No matter the scenario, here are tips for dealing with parenting pitfalls:

Mean business.   “Speak to your child like you mean business, and send clear messages when you’re communicating with your kids,” says Donahue.

Stick to your guns.  “The toughest thing is to have endurance,” says Donahue. “Stick to your guns, even when the kids are whining and pushing your buttons. Kids know that if we have a history of not sticking to what we say, they’re going to push and push.  Have the endurance and the strength and the energy to keep up with them.”

Plan ahead.  “Parents have to do a better job of helping kids to anticipate the behavior that is expected of them beforehand,” Donahue tells WebMD. “When you’re in the middle of a situation, you’re busy and rushing and don’t think about it, and then things can get out of control.”

Take care of yourself.  “Sleep more, exercise, and take care of yourself,” says Donahue.  “Parenting is extremely exhausting work.”

Resource:  WebMD, Inc.
https://www.webmd.com/

Anger Management Pt-3 of 3

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Violence is out-of-control, and Domestic Violence can not be justified.

When To Seek Help

When to seek help for anger management and control

If your anger is still spiraling out of control, despite putting the previous anger management techniques into practice, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting others  –  you need more help.  There are many therapists, classes, and programs for people with anger management problems.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  You’ll often find others in the same shoes, and getting direct feedback on techniques for controlling anger can be tremendously helpful.

Consider professional help if:

  • You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try.
  • Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships.
  • You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper.
  • You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger.  Your anger has ever led to physical violence.
  • Your anger has ever led to physical violence.

Therapy for anger problems.  Therapy can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger.  If you don’t know why you are getting angry, it’s very hard to control.  Therapy provides a safe environment to learn more about your reasons and identify triggers for your anger.  It’s also a safe place to practice new skills in expressing your anger.

Anger management classes or groups.  Anger management classes or groups allow you to see others coping with the same struggles.  You will also learn tips and techniques for managing your anger and hear other people’s stories.  For domestic violence issues, traditional anger management is usually not recommended.  There are special classes that go to the issue of power and control that are at the heart of domestic violence.

If your loved one has an anger management problem

If your loved one has an anger problem, you probably feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time.  But always remember that you are not to blame for your loved one’s anger.  There is never an excuse for physically or verbally abusive behavior.  You have a right to be treated with respect and to live without fear of an angry outburst or a violent rage.

Tips for dealing with a loved one’s anger management problem

While you can’t control another person’s anger, you can control how you respond to it:

  • Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate.
  • Wait for a time when you are both calm to talk to your loved one about the anger problem.  Don’t bring it up when either one of you is already angry.
  • Remove yourself from the situation if your loved one does not calm down.
  • Consider counseling or therapy for yourself if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself.
  • Put your safety first.  Trust your instincts.  If you feel unsafe or threatened in any way, get away from your loved one and go somewhere safe.

Anger isn’t the real problem in abusive relationships

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior and temper.  In fact, abusive behavior is a deliberate choice for the sole purpose of controlling you.   If you are in an abusive relationship, know that couples counseling is not recommended  –  and that your partner needs specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes.

Source:  helpguide.org