Category Archives: Teaching Parents

Be A Good Listener

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Be a good listener

Improving communication skills #1:  Become an engaged listener

People often focus on what they should say, but effective communication is less about talking and more about listening. Listening well means not just understanding the words or the information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to communicate.

There’s a big difference between engaged listening and simply hearing.  When you really listen—when you’re engaged with what’s being said—you’ll hear the subtle intonations in someone’s voice that tell you how that person is feeling and the emotions they’re trying to communicate.  When you’re an engaged listener, not only will you better understand the other person, you’ll also make that person feel heard and understood, which can help build a stronger, deeper connection between you.

By communicating in this way, you’ll also experience a process that lowers stress and supports physical and emotional well-being.  If the person you’re talking to is calm, for example, listening in an engaged way will help to calm you, too.  Similarly, if the person is agitated, you can help calm them by listening in an attentive way and making the person feel understood.

How do you become an engaged listener?

If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening in an engaged way will often come naturally.  If it doesn’t, try the following tips.  The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

  • Focus fully on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues.  Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you’re thinking about other things, checking text messages or doodling, you’re almost certain to miss the nonverbal cues and the emotional content behind the words being spoken.  And if the person talking is similarly distracted, you’ll be able to quickly pick up on it.  If you find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head—it’ll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.
  • Favor your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of the body, favoring your right ear can help you better detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying.  Try keeping your posture straight, your chin down, and tilting your right ear towards the speaker—this will make it easier to pick up on the higher frequencies of human speech that contain the emotional content of what’s being said.
  • Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns, by saying something like, “If you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”  Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk.  You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next.  Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.
  • Show your interest in what’s being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.”
  • Try to set aside judgment. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don’t have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions.  However, you do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully understand a person.  The most difficult communication, when successfully executed, can lead to the most unlikely and profound connection with someone.
  • Provide feedback.  If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing.  “What I’m hearing is,” or “Sounds like you are saying,” are great ways to reflect back.  Don’t simply repeat what the speaker has said verbatim, though—you’ll sound insincere or unintelligent.  Instead, express what the speaker’s words mean to you.  Ask questions to clarify certain points: “What do you mean when you say…” or “Is this what you mean?”

Hear the emotion behind the words by exercising your middle ear muscles

By increasing the muscle tone of the tiny middle ear muscles (the smallest in the body), you’ll be able to detect the higher frequencies of human speech that impart emotion and be better able to understand what others are really saying.  As well as by focusing fully on what someone is saying, you can exercise these tiny muscles by singing, playing a wind instrument, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, rather than low-frequency rock or rap music).

Source: helpguide.org

Effective Communication

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Effective Communication

Improving Communication Skills in Your Work and Personal Relationships

It sounds so simple: say what you mean. But all too often, what we try to communicate gets lost in translation despite our best intentions. We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue.

Fortunately, you can learn how to communicate more clearly and effectively. Whether you’re trying to improve communication with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, you can improve the communication skills that enable you to effectively connect with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

What is effective communication?

Communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. Effective communication is also a two-way street. It’s not only how you convey a message so that it is received and understood by someone in exactly the way you intended, it’s also how you listen to gain the full meaning of what’s being said and to make the other person feel heard and understood.

More than just the words you use, effective communication combines a set of skills including nonverbal communication, engaged listening, managing stress in the moment, the ability to communicate assertively, and the capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions and those of the person you’re communicating with.

Effective communication is the glue that helps you deepen your connections to others and improve teamwork, decision-making, and problem solving. It enables you to communicate even negative or difficult messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

While effective communication is a learned skill, it is more effective when it’s spontaneous rather than formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has the same impact as a speech that’s delivered (or appears to be delivered) spontaneously. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and spontaneous your communication skills will become.

Barriers to effective interpersonal communication

  • Stress and out-of-control emotion.  When you’re stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.  Take a moment to calm down before continuing a conversation.
  • Lack of focus.  You can’t communicate effectively when you’re multitasking.  If you’re planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the conversation.  You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience.
  • Inconsistent body language.  Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it.  If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel you’re being dishonest.  For example, you can’t say “yes” while shaking your head no.
  • Negative body language.  If you disagree with or dislike what’s being said, you may use negative body language to rebuff the other person’s message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet.  You don’t have to agree, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively without making the other person defensive, it’s important to avoid sending negative signals.

Source: helpguide.org

A NEW YEAR, A NEW AWARD

.jpg photo of Blogging AwardNOT IN MY WORLD!!!! has been nominated for the LIEBSTER AWARD!!!!

This is indeed a Blessing to us, and I want to say Thank You Jennifer for this nomination.   It is an Honor to introduce Jennifer, Blogger and the Motivator at “Motivation for today’s REALITY“.
https://jenmotivates12.wordpress.com/

Jennifer is a very special person, and we want her to know how much we appreciate this, just as we appreciate her being an important part of Our Circle on Google.

I want to say Thank You WordPress, for all you do for the Citizens of this Giant Metropolis;   you keep us moving forward year after year, with cutting edge, state of the art Themes, Widgets, and new, easier ways of doing the blogging that bloggers do, for bloggers like me and you.

NOT IN MY WORLD!!!! wants to say Thank You to all of the Citizens of the WordPress Metropolis.

And finally, to all of Our Faithful Followers who so diligently labor for all Our Children of this world:  Google+, WordPress, Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, Twitter, and LinkedIn:

NOW is the time to spread the word of what is visited upon Our Children every minute of every day, known now as “Child Maltreatment”, but in all reality is Neglect,  Shaken Baby Syndrome, Heat Stroke in locked cars, Physical Abuse and Physical Abuse ending in traumatic death, Mental Abuse, Malnourishment, Incest and Child Sexual Abuse, Child Sexual Slavery, Sexual Abuse of and DEATH OF INFANTS, and the fact that at least 10,000,000 Children 13 years of age and up will contract an STI or an STD or even more than 1 this year.  But that does not count the ones from BIRTH TO 13 YEARS OF AGE that simply is probably listed  as an oversight by the DHHS and the DPS, since there is no formal list and tainted number!!!!

Rules for The Liebster Award

  1. Make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated me and include the Liebster Award sticker in the post.
  2. Nominate 5-10 other bloggers and notify them of this in one of their posts.
  3. All nominated bloggers are to have less than 200 followers.
  4. Answer the 11 questions posed by your nominator and create 11 different questions for your nominees to answer.  Or, you can repeat the same questions.
  5. Copy these rules into your post.

My Nominations for The LIEBSTER AWARD:

1 – https://breakingsarah.wordpress.com/
2 – http://thegospelofbarney.com
3 – https://armorofgodfoundations.wordpress.com

4 – https://julianneleach.wordpress.com/
5 – http://middleme.net/
6 –http://anchorofpromise.com

Our Questions:

  1. Do you plan on blogging for a long time?
    ~No, I believe this atrocity should be taken care of within the next couple of months, but if not, I will be right here when my shift is finally done.
  2.  If you aren’t married yet, what season would you like to get married in?
    ~Any season but hunting season
  3.  If you haven’t had kids yet, what are some names you’d like to name your kids if you ever had any?
    ~If there were to be any more, I’ll put the wife on steroids, then have all male Children named YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE #1 thru # whatever, and they will be MAD MAX type PEDO HUNTERS
  4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
    ~It has never been built, but Carl’s Burgers will do
  5. Apple pie or Pumpkin?
    ~Pumpkin with whipped cream, then a big slice of warm Apple with vanilla ice cream.
  6. Think of your favorite TV show or movie. Who would you date in that TV show and or movie and why?
    ~A League of Their Own is my favorite civilized movie, and I suppose we could have a really tall cop-type stand-in.
  7. Are you more of a movie person or TV show person?
    ~If we are watching anything, that means women are involved, so anything is good.
  8.  What’s your favorite TV show of all time?
    ~”Follow Me Boys” with Kurt Russell
  9. What grade were you in/age were you when you got your first cell phone?
    ~That would be say 1991, when we knocked the bugz out of IBMs first Accessable PC which was months behind because of a software issue, and I had Voltalker experience, which was a product of AutoDesk, and the only talking software, so IBMs crew, lead by Frank my Brother, assisted my crew and we knocked it out in about a month, and your phones can thank ME AND FRANK, because that was the first version of Dragon.  The Cellular I had came with a carrying case the size of a small suitcase
  10. Is blogging all that you thought it would be? More?
    ~I had to be dumb as dirt, because I never dreamed 60-75% of every adult in America would most probably have sex with a Child.
  11. Would you rather travel around the world or live where you do now forever?
    ~There’s a place near the Great Barrier Reef I’d like to go, since I been diving basically a major part of my life, I think that is where the end of the rainbow is, but I would bring my prize back of course.

These are the questions for my nominees

1. If you had the resources, and were going to do 1 thing for someone(realistic), what would you do, and who for.
2. How old were you when you first got into blogging.
3. Have you ever posted from a restaurant.
4. Do you always leave a Tip.
5. When was the last time you wrote and mailed a letter.
6. Have you ever took an on-line course, or self-educated on-line.
7. Describe your blog in exactly 10 words.
8. Have you researched a post without using any electronics.
9. If you started a blog right now, what would you call it.
10. Who is your biggest fan.
11. What is the first thing you do when preparing to write a post.